MrGuy711's Xanga

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01/29/07--19:07: Chinese Restaurants have the same Menu! (chan 1302212)

A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:

"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting... just anyting you want, you say. Whatchou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want... numba 69!" More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries... "You want... Beef wif Broccori?


I seriously cried when I read this.



02/13/07--20:11: Wednesday, February 14, 2007 (chan 1302212)

In Korea there is an additional holiday called Black Day on April 14, when males who did not receive anything for Valentine's Day gather together to eat Jajangmyun.



06/25/07--20:41: Tuesday, June 26, 2007 (chan 1302212)

There are a lot of things that I could have done differently.... better.  But I don't regret any of it.  It's just a shame how things have gotten to be. 



12/03/07--11:10: Monday, December 03, 2007 (chan 1302212)

yeah so I just came back from Iraq, and it's awesome to be back, but a little depressing at the same time.  I kind of wish I could go back...  Life here is boring, and I guess a bit lonely. 


01/16/08--16:07: tequila mocking bird (chan 1302212)


I'm starting to hate living here.  Tax going up, cigarette prices going up.  It's getting pretty freaking ridiculous.  I spend more money buying cigarettes and booze than it costs me to live.... and it's killing me!  Costs me more money to kill myself than it costs me to live....  That makes sense. 



01/24/08--17:29: Friday, January 25, 2008 (chan 1302212)

I have this huge problem that I realized with women.  I always chase after the ones that I can't get.  Something about hard to get women drives me insane.  It doesn't matter personality, looks, financial situation, religion, political point of view, way of living.  If they aren't interested, I want them to be, and I will go to drastic measures to get them to.  I can't stand it when people aren't interested in me.  I think there is a word for that.  But if that wasn't bad, let's say I finally win them over, and they start to become interested.  Now, I've completely lost interest, and I move on to something else.  There was this one girl I dated for a few months and I hated it.  She always called and wanted to see me.  It was a mistake from the beginning.  She was the definition of stage five clinger.  Actually a stage five clinger is 2-3 calls a day.  She was more like a stage 9 clinger if there is such a thing.  So I broke up with her, find out a while later that she has a boyfriend, and now I'm thinking about getting reacquainted with her.  Am I fucking crazy?  It was a disaster before!  So I think unless I change, I will probably never have a long relationship.  Which isn't too bad actually.  I just want to record my awesome findings of myself while I'm under the influence.



03/04/08--17:44: Wednesday, March 05, 2008 (chan 1302212)

I don't think it's normal, but I feel like I'm hitting a premature mid life crisis.  Like I lack motive in life.  I just want to sit around with a dumb look on my face.  Maybe this is something different.  I'm perfectly fine knowing that I'm not going to end up being a movie star, or multi millionaire.  In fact, I don't even want to be either of those.  I just want to blend in with the crowd so no one bothers me with their stupid autographs, or fund raisers.  Fuck that. 



07/01/08--18:58: Wednesday, July 02, 2008 (chan 1302212)

So I was trying to get back into playing tennis with a coworker of mine.  We find this huge lot of tennis courts so we decide to play a bit after work.  My coworker has never played before, and I'm like a lvl 3 hitter so we're both pretty new still.  First day we go it's packed, and I can't believe how stuckup these people are.  I mean the tennis etiquette is retarded.  I walk through this group playing doubles way back against the fence and they're like "oh hold on this guy is walking through.  Like they're actually going to hit the ball that far.  And this old fuck starts yelling at me.  He says to go around from the outside!  What the fuck?  First of all this old fuck is going to have a heart attack before he even gets to the fence, there is no fucking way he's going to chase the ball that far.  He's one of those guys that stands still and if the ball comes to him he swings, if not, he prays that it's out.  Then my coworker is hitting tennis balls all over the place and this other doubles group keep getting pissed.  They're like, Hey this is a pga league tournament and you are interrupting.  Sorry I thought pga was golf?  Get the fuck out of here.  I don't know if I want to live in Columbia anymore.  Stuckup bitches think they're rich or something. 



07/11/08--21:22: Celebration! (chan 1302212)

I don't let people know my birthday for a reason.  Leave me alone.



09/05/09--14:25: Cleaning up (chan 1302212)

So I was cleaning up my house, emptying boxes and stuff.  I found like 250 dollars in unopened cards!  So awesome!  So the main thing is I had this blue mini-safe where I would put random small items that I wanted to remember.  Mostly fortunes, and movie ticket stubs.  I can still remember who I took to the movies and such.  Pretty cool remembering all the dates and such.  I ran into some other items from people that I used to date.  Why I save these things, I don't know.  I'm just a pack rat I guess.  I have some retarded thought that if I were to some day get back with that woman, I can be like, hey I saved this thing you gave me.  Sweet right?  No.  I have realized that shit doesn't matter anyways.  So I decided to throw it away.  All this useless shit is just taking up space.  So then, I have decided that this gold ring I've kept on my key chain for like 8 years also serves no purpose being there.  I can't believe I've held onto it for so long.  Well that's that.